Have you ever thought of improving your looks? It’s not just about beauty to attract someone.
There is a certain innate magnetism about attractive people.
Of course, we can find someone physically attractive, but more frequently, we are pulled to someone by their self-assurance, passion, and charisma. There are other aspects of attractiveness than looks.
Finding a love relationship is based on attraction, but we are also…
- attracted to certain persons I work with
- drawn to particular friendships
- drawn to particular categories of concepts
- some coffee places because we like the ambiance, the food, or the location
Grasp what inspires individuals requires an understanding of attractiveness. But first, how adept are you at interpreting nonverbal cues? Being handsome is crucial, but so is knowing what attracts others.
Understanding Body Language (Quiz)
How well do you read body language? Find out by taking our no-cost body language test!
Principle of Attraction
I’d like to reformulate the law of attraction. Being accessible and attracting the ideal individuals, concepts, and opportunities are key components of attraction.
Let’s define attraction first. When we are drawn to something or someone, we are either interested in them or find them intriguing.
Also, attraction is not just about appearances. It has to do with confidence + accessibility.
The One Attractive Quality
What excites you? Eyes? Legs? Humor?
According to research, a person’s availability is their most appealing quality. Although confidence is advantageous as well, availability comes out on top.
- Physical availability is a key factor in dating: “Will this individual mate with me?”
- It is about emotional availability with friends and long-term romantic partners: “Will this person open up to me?”
- Will this individual work with me? is a question that concerns economic and intellectual availability in business.
Whether at a networking event, party, business meeting, or date, exhibiting availability is the best approach to indicate availability.
Being present is insufficient! People need to see that you are open to connecting emotionally.
Make it clear that you want to interact, communicate, and form a relationship. I once had a woman at a gathering ask me, “Isn’t it clear that I’m available to connect? I’m here, am I not?
Well, signal amplification bias is a psychological phrase. Simply put, signal amplification bias is the tendency for people to believe that their flirtatious signals are obvious to others. But they’re not, in reality.
This means that for others to notice your nonverbals, you need to make them evident.
Action Step: Make it a point to explain your intentions to others at your next social gathering. the following
- I was hoping to make some pretty intriguing connections at this event, so I’m thrilled to meet you.
- This event is running smoothly. I arrived to generate some business, and I have already distributed a few business cards. Do you want one?
We are unaware that we are not as readily available as we believe we are. If you try demonstrating it, you’ll be pleasantly surprised by how hospitable and inquisitive others are in return.
How then do you demonstrate availability? Read on…
Tip #1 for Attraction: Display Open Body Language
Do you isolate yourself from other people? Without even being aware of it, we could appear unavailable through closed body language:
We hold a wine glass in front of our stomachs while crossing our arms, checking our phones in front of our chests, and cradling our purses in our midst.
People may tell right immediately when we are feeling psychologically locked off because we close our body language.
You only need to adapt your body language to be more open if you want to appear more appealing; you don’t need to alter your appearance. According to a body language study, the greatest method to convey availability is to keep your torso, chest, and abdomen exposed to the outside world.
More beautiful than any wardrobe, haircut, or dancing technique is open body language.
The body language between men and women also differs. Here is a list of female body language warning signs:
An intriguing example of how having an open mindset and having open body language go hand in hand is: I noticed a man and lady conversing as I was people-watching at a networking event. The man was holding his wine glass in front of him at the start of the conversation as the woman held her handbag in front of her breast. The man cracked a joke at one point, and they both started laughing. You could watch them loosen up and open out emotionally. The woman suddenly opened her body language and flung her purse over her shoulder. The man brought out a business card and immediately set his glass on the cocktail table next to them. The rest of the evening was spent in conversation.
*You can also expose your neck if you want to make yourself more seductive (think Marilyn Monroe tilting her head back and laughing).
An open, exposed, or stroked neck is more seductive from a body language standpoint and also emits seductive hormones. Watch the video up top to learn more about this.
The Influence of the Bag (and Cup)
Blocking behavior using the purse or cup is also prevalent. It is a person’s behavior toward their surroundings that is influenced by their emotions.
For instance, if a lady is uneasy or not attracted to someone, she may fiercely grip her bag, place it in front of her body, or cover it with it. A woman who is attracted wants nothing to stand in between her and her boyfriend, both literally and figuratively speaking.
Men and women will both similarly use their drinking cups, acting as a barrier to keep others out.
She will appear more attracted if she holds her purse loosely and without it getting in the way of her front. She wants it out of the way for her interactions with you, therefore it’s best if she places it on the floor, a neighboring table, or on the back of the chair.
*Please take this in the context that she might be clutching her purse out of safety concerns if you are in a very public or potentially dangerous area, but if you are in a more relaxed setting or on a date, this can be a good sign.
I overheard a man and lady conversing the other night while I was at a singles event. The woman was squeezing the handle of her purse tightly under her arm, and it was partially obscuring her torso. The woman threw her pocketbook up and over her shoulder out of the way when the man revealed that he was a doctor. It was incredible.
Tip #2 for Attraction: Fronting
Fronting, also known as squaring up, is the action of aligning your body such that you are immediately facing someone. When you front someone, you’re conveying attention and attraction. It conveys the message, “I am here, and you have my whole attention.”
When you are in front of someone, they become your entire world.
The 3 Ts should be kept in mind when fronting:
Toes Torso Top (or head) Pro Tip: You can’t always front. Perhaps you’re in a crowded place where your torsos are facing the same way, or you’re seated next to each other. If so, continue reading to learn ways to demonstrate availability and openness without having to put yourself out there.
Tip #3: Choose the Correct Seat during Dinner
Imagine that you have a dinner date scheduled soon. Take Chipotle, Olive Garden, or the Ritz as examples (totally different price points, I know).
There is a table in front of you and you and your companion are seated at it. On one of the chairs, they recline. Where should I sit to get the best attraction?
Seats A and B
Not the aforementioned
Tip #4: Lean In to Demonstrate Engagement
You can communicate your interest in someone nonverbally by leaning toward them. This is especially effective if you are with a group of people and have a particular interest in one of them. They will be unconsciously drawn to you as a result, telling you nonverbally that you are the person they prefer.
Pro Tip: Are there any obstructions, such as a chair or desk? You can lean forward without the clutter if you shift yourself or the items.
He does cause my heart to beat faster. According to studies, people’s hearts beat faster when they are near attractive people.
AND it functions both ways. Researchers attempted to raise a subject’s heart rate before placing them close to an unfamiliar person. This artificially increased the stranger’s attractiveness. When our hearts are racing, we find someone to be more alluring.
Now, I wouldn’t advise taking a date’s or a bar patron’s pulse, but if you see a person’s respiration rate quickening and you can feel the warmth of their palm when you are holding their hand, you might want to kiss them.
Tip #5: Eye-gazing is an Attraction
The intense, private act of gazing deeply into someone else’s eyes for an extended amount of time is known as eye gazing. The “love hormone,” oxytocin, rises when they return to your gaze.
In a research published in the Journal of Research in Personality, random strangers were instructed to maintain eye contact with one another for two minutes. “Increased feelings of ardent love for one other,” they reported.
Eye gazing is so potent that it not only affects humans but also canines. Dogs were trained to look into their owners’ eyes in a different study. Both the dog’s owner and the dog had increased oxytocin levels after being the subject of those looks.
Nice, huh? Because oxytocin is made in the heart, eye contact increases desire.
You may feel the release of oxytocin in your heart.
Pro tip: Try to avoid glancing too much. According to Argyle and Dean’s intimate equilibrium model, excessive staring makes the other person turn away2. My preferred method, which I frequently employed in college, is to initiate eye contact, maintain it for three seconds, then wink and smile while looking away. The recommended percentage of eye contact during a conversation is between 60% and 70%. Even so, it’s possible to maintain more eye contact when listening and less while speaking.
Tip #6 for Attractions: The Wait-And-Smile
You may have heard that it’s excellent to smile. It is, too! I constantly grin because I’m eager to meet new people and am truly joyful. You CAN NOT overdo it, though. There is a range of smiles that you ought to aim to remain in. The Smile-o-meter is what I refer to as.
How much do you grin during a conversation, on a scale of 1 to 10? My smile-inducing number is seven. According to research1, those who grin more frequently have lower status and power.
Betas frequently grin. No, alphas don’t.
There is a technique to the Grin-o-meter, but you generally want to smile more often than not. Apply the “wait-and-smile” strategy:
Before smiling in a conversation or when presenting yourself, wait until you have been introduced.
Then, grin broadly when you shake your acquaintance’s hand and state their name, as though hearing their name made you smile.
Others will get the impression that you found their name so endearing that it made you grin. Your joy and happiness will “grab” the attention of others, creating an actual ripple effect of attraction.
Where does your smile rank on the Smile-o-meter? Give yourself a score of 1 to 10 in your upcoming conversation. To achieve an ideal 7, try to either raise or decrease.
Tip #7: Use a watchful style as an Attraction
Hold on, hold on. Do you intend to follow all of these cues? There is a method to performing them.
to increase your appeal
and to do them is to… slowly.
In a 2011 study, researchers discovered that when you first meet someone new, it’s beneficial to utilize a watchful nonverbal communication style. Why does this matter? Being alert means:
utilizing smaller gestures and preciser motions
slower talking and action, bending sideways rather than forward
In other words, keep your composure.
Even some of the body language signs you have already learned might be contradicted by this. Consider it as the “testing period” of a relationship instead. You are a stranger to someone when you first meet them. So be careful not to appear arrogant.
More forthright attraction cues can be employed if enough rapport has been established and you begin to feel more at ease. When it’s time to increase the intimacy, you’ll notice if their body language begins to relax.
Tip #8 for Attraction: Don’t Look
How often have you attended a large social gathering and noticed a few people loitering around like this?
What a downer you are! Although it’s not necessarily a bad thing, looking out toward the crowd suggests your attention is diverted (aka not with yourself). Giving off this kind of cues lets people know that you are actively NOT having fun or amusing yourself.
Instead, picture seeing two people who look like this:
Which group appears to be one that you would want to join? The second one is mine in a heartbeat. You must bring joy to yourself to draw people to you effortlessly.
Be involved. Be fully present wherever you are and with whomever you are. Enjoy yourself. Tell a joke. If someone else sees you having fun, they might want to join in too!
Have fun with yourself. Alone? Not to worry! The bartender, the staff, or even random individuals might be used as sources of entertainment. You may perhaps open your phone and search for something that interests you. This is how a few of my conversations have begun when I was just looking through my phone and someone asked me why I was laughing so loudly.